Last week, I had my first Stepwise ‘Faith-Filled Life’ session. It was an interesting first session, covering thoughts on group learning and ground rules, taking a closer look at the Bible and ways of exploring the Bible and exploring what discipleship and mission means to us. I was a little subdued, partly due to being tired having given blood earlier in the day but also due to some concerns over whether this particular group feels like a safe space and over finding the right mentor for me.
In all honesty I think tiredness probably played a big part in my concerns, or at least didn’t help! I had coffee with a lovely church friend a couple of days later and managed to express some of my thoughts. She’s offered to be my mentor through the course which I’m very thankful for as she is someone I can reflect openly about my faith with.
We’ve been given some questions to reflect on at the end of session 1 as follows:
1) Why are you participating in Stepwise?
The main reason for participating in Stepwise for me is to explore my faith further and find out more about where God might be leading me. After my daughter died, I had a period of conflicting emotions about my faith, and was quite apathetic, particularly when it came to church. I felt like I was going through the motions for quite a while. Then the pandemic hit, the church closed and the next thing I knew I was offering to share a live-stream, playing and singing hymns from my home for Easter Sunday morning which led on to organising live-streamed services each week and becoming very involved in the life of the church.
Over these last two years, I’ve felt God pushing me forward, reminding me that he still has plans for me. I never expected to be where I am now with regards to church and as a result of leading services, I’ve started to explore the idea of perhaps becoming a locally accredited lay preacher/worship leader. Stepwise Faith-Filled Life is the first step on that path. I’m not exactly sure where this path is going to lead but I’m looking forward to finding out.
2) What do you hope God will show you through Faith-Filled Life?
I’m hoping that God will show me where it is he wants me to go and how he wants me to serve him and show his love to others around me. On a personal level, I’d quite like it if he could address some of the huge doubts I’ve had about him since my daughter died. I have no doubt that the answers to those questions will lead to more questions though!
3) What new ideas are you taking away from the group session you attended?
I found the video about the history of the Bible and how it came together particularly interesting. I do quite like reading different translations of the same verses and seeing how they offer different insights. It was also interesting to reflect on discipleship and mission. For me, discipleship feels like it’s about that personal relationship that I have with God/Jesus but I hadn’t really reflected on the growth and learning aspect of that.
4) What do you need to think about further as a result of attending the group session?
I have to confess I’m not great at taking time to read the Bible and reflect on what I’m reading and what God might be saying to me through it. I do get the URC daily devotions each day in my email but sometimes (often!) it’s a quick skim through the email as a tick-box exercise and not really a moment of reflection or time spent with God.
Where have I seen God this week?
- I had a dream-visit from my daughter the other day. It’s rare that she visits my dreams and I’ve been praying for another dream-visit from her. In my dream, she was the age she would be now – the first time I’ve seen her at this age. I’m thankful that God is giving me glimpses of her growing up and a chance to hug her once more. Obviously I’d much prefer to have these moments in life but as that can’t be, I’m grateful for the moments that I do have.
- Sitting at my desk now, looking out at the sunshine and the little green-shoots from the spring bulbs appearing in the garden.
A Kintsugi Faith 